This, too

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Oh, hey, North Korea's on the news, no time for a title here

My uncle once was very tall, and fell off a motorbike. Oh, oh, and another one ran the London Marathon the other week. He's going back to Colombia to hear about how crap the UK is at doing anything about smuggling, because of how we maybe don't give a toss.
Never in my life have I left the upside of the world? Been really happy? Killed everyone I could find?
When I was five I was The Boy In The Blue Balaclava terror of the infants, guy up a tree, hider from lessons, headbutter of bullies, collector of Transformers!
High School was all the fuck kinds of worse. Balaclavas were out and so was headbutting people. I wasn't very good at hitting them, and I was both skinny and short during most of it. They kept asking me to leave, because I clearly didn't care. Why I'd actively do something out of apathy I don't know. Also, it was quite close to my house, so I could sleep in for a little while.
I will never forget some of the many steps walked in Camden Town, with blisters and shivers and someone I actually liked.
I once met Bret 'Hitman' Hart? Well, met's a strong word for it, but I totally... saw him. All right, well, I twice met the Mechy and lived to not really bother telling much about it.
There’s this girl I know who all kinds of struggles with basic punctuation.
Once, at a bar, I lost a drinking contest with a South African. Alcohol is fun.
By noon I’m usually unusual.
Last night melts into this and that which came before.
If I only had courage and gold bricks.
Next time I go to church, I intend to cause a scene. Last time, I bit my tongue to kep from laughing during, "I am the resurrection and I am the light..." and the time before that I got pissed off my face on thirteen pints and then went off and had sex for the first time.
Terry Schiavo Shall Have Her Revenge on Seattle
When I turn my head left, I see Y Ddraig Goch
When I turn my head right, I see closed blinds.
You know I’m lying when I'm conceeding a point.
What I miss most about the eighties would be the alternative music, were I not presently listening to it anyway.
If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be what's that drunken gaoler called? Yeah.
By this time next year I'll be dead or foreign.
A better name for me would be Joe Kickass.
I have a hard time understanding reactionaries, people speaking Japanese, bus timetables, and how people can live with dangerous spiders all around
If I ever go back to school it’ll make me cry
You know I like you if I tell you so, moron.
If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be someone I made-up on the spot, and whom never existed, let alone contributed to my success.
Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens, and Geraldine Ferraro’s so now you're trying to out-nonsense me? Fuck you up the currants and raisins are the same thing.
Take my advice, never take a bet that you won't leave your finger there until it closes or let that guy break a chair over you, and never drink Carling.
My ideal breakfast is of bacon and eggs and baked beans and a draught of ale, and served super early or super late, and eaten with someone pretty. It really is better if someone else makes it, too, isn' it? None of that standing up, for me.
A song I love, but do not have is the Internationale in Kiswahili? I don't know, there's probably lots.
If you visit my hometown, I suggest to you, sir, that you are an idiot. Still, the city was birthplace of John Inman (I'm free!) and is home to R2D2, I suppose. That's good, right?
Tulips, character flaws, microchips, and track stars have all been 'worth' more than is proper?
Why won’t anyone remember the communards?
If you spend the night at my house, don’t ...well, that's it, really. Just don't.
I’d stop my wedding for the sheer pissing fun of it. Just to see how long everyone would hang on for. I don't care for all this ceremonial crap, anyway.
The world could do without me, you, and the UK general election.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than not.
My favorite blonde is a redhead.
Paper clips are more useful than they are radioactive.
If I do anything well, it’s unexpected.
And, by the way, I don't like your tie, I don't like your face, your politics are teh gayzorz, and smell like nobody wants you, so fuck off.
The last time I was drunk, I typed this, mostly with my tongue sticking out a bit, because to concentrate in this state I have to try *that* hard, and I took some pointless pictures of me looking not quite right and still not like I'm old enough to be so fucking...old.

The other day, talking about the General Election, I said, "Myyy Granddad ...sat about in the cadet training corps dealy and got his finger caught in a gun mechanism in the war, and it really pinched, and get the fuck out of my way i'm hungover and thinking about wasting a vote on the Lib Dems." But then I didn't.

You know to be in business to run a company you really need to use your head Show me a man of money and I will show you a genius To get to grips with the ins and outs you all think that it's a piece of cake But you know it's taken me many years and I am very remarkable Stupid fools say it's not hard to do what I do I'm here to tell you it's hard You couldn't do what I do Don't even dream of it you would never succeed People as clever as me are very few and far between So let me assure you it's no picnic to be in charge of this land You scruffy people the lower orders just know your place Don't ever you try at governing you might find out how difficult it is

5:08 a.m. - 2005-05-09

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